I have made a decision which, in some respects, is quite difficult. I have decided not to continue my memory blog as many of the topics are starting to become repetitive with regards to memories of my beautiful boy.
I do plan to go back and edit some of my anniesMemoryaday blogs as I have thought of additions for some and have decided to add more photos to others.
The blogging has been, very unexpectedly, the best therapy I could have had. I have had to dig deep into both my memory and my emotions at times. I have cried and laughed and worried and wondered as I wrote my words. But I know my memories will last forever and I'm glad you all got to know my boy a little better through my shared stories.
I won't stop blogging though, as I have found it to be a wonderful outlet. I will now start a new blog which will be about me and the people in my life. That will include Jake as he has been a part of my life for 20 years. So, my thoughts and notes about him will not disappear, they will just become a part of the story of 'us' instead of 'the story of Jake'.
Thanks for sharing my memories and for the many positive comments I received from you all.
Tuesday 3 July 2012
Monday 2 July 2012
"BUSY"
"Bit busy right now!"
That was your standard reply if we asked you to do anything around the house. This response was almost automatic and was even prevalent when you were sitting doing nothing on the computer or just zoning out with TV.
Eventually, you would usually do what we asked you to do but it was always in your own sweet time. I think you just liked to be in control.
That was your standard reply if we asked you to do anything around the house. This response was almost automatic and was even prevalent when you were sitting doing nothing on the computer or just zoning out with TV.
Eventually, you would usually do what we asked you to do but it was always in your own sweet time. I think you just liked to be in control.
Sunday 1 July 2012
"SELF PORTRAIT"
Your very first kinder painting hung on our playroom wall for several years. It was a self portrait and showed a very smiley-faced boy and his dog (Bran) under a tree.
It was actually made amazing by the fact that you hated painting because you didn't like getting your hands dirty. We kept that painting but I am not sure that I recall seeing it in the move to this house so it probably went the way of the white teddy bear...in the rubbish bin during one of your clean-outs!!
It was actually made amazing by the fact that you hated painting because you didn't like getting your hands dirty. We kept that painting but I am not sure that I recall seeing it in the move to this house so it probably went the way of the white teddy bear...in the rubbish bin during one of your clean-outs!!
Saturday 30 June 2012
"A FRIEND"
I can't write about 'a friend' when you clearly had way too many friends for me to write about just one!
Some of your secondary school teachers once told me that your year level was so "together" that duty teachers had to ask you all to split up into smaller groups in order that your 'group' was not so intimidating. Apparently, there was often 30 or 40 of you 'hanging out' together! It was just the sheer size of the group that proved too daunting to a lone teacher on the beat!
This volume of friendship was particularly evident at your funeral. The church holds about 500 people and it was filled to capacity that day!! What a fitting tribute!
Two days after you died about 20 of your friends turned up on our doorstep. They came in silently, some shedding tears, all supporting us and each other. They sat on our lounge room floor for hours and cried and told stories of the things you got up to with all of them. They were still there when the funeral director came to organise your funeral and, without hesitation, your mates volunteered to carry your coffin, to deliver several of the eulogies and to provide the music.
They are good friends, Jake! They have been truly supportive of us and each other this past year. I know that they have been hurting without their mate! But, they have included us in their storytelling sessions (probably condensed versions) and have visited us occasionally. Some of them have invited us to their 21st birthdays...a lovely way for us to 'feel' a bit of you, as you would have been right there amongst them!!
They have continued to keep Amber in their lives and she is truly one of their 'friends'. Just the way you would have wanted! xxx
Some of your secondary school teachers once told me that your year level was so "together" that duty teachers had to ask you all to split up into smaller groups in order that your 'group' was not so intimidating. Apparently, there was often 30 or 40 of you 'hanging out' together! It was just the sheer size of the group that proved too daunting to a lone teacher on the beat!
This volume of friendship was particularly evident at your funeral. The church holds about 500 people and it was filled to capacity that day!! What a fitting tribute!
Two days after you died about 20 of your friends turned up on our doorstep. They came in silently, some shedding tears, all supporting us and each other. They sat on our lounge room floor for hours and cried and told stories of the things you got up to with all of them. They were still there when the funeral director came to organise your funeral and, without hesitation, your mates volunteered to carry your coffin, to deliver several of the eulogies and to provide the music.
They are good friends, Jake! They have been truly supportive of us and each other this past year. I know that they have been hurting without their mate! But, they have included us in their storytelling sessions (probably condensed versions) and have visited us occasionally. Some of them have invited us to their 21st birthdays...a lovely way for us to 'feel' a bit of you, as you would have been right there amongst them!!
They have continued to keep Amber in their lives and she is truly one of their 'friends'. Just the way you would have wanted! xxx
Friday 29 June 2012
"SOFT"
You had such a 'soft' heart. For all your bravado and 'coolness' you never, ever liked to see those close to you feeling hurt or upset.
When we got the news that my Nan had passed away, you and I were in the middle of a disagreement about various teenage 'things'. But, as soon as we got that phone call, you had your arms around me, you told your girlfriend she was going home and you told me you were coming with me, to be with my family.
On the day of Nan's funeral I was fine until the burial at the cemetery. Your brothers, Toby and Nick, had been buried in with my grandfather, and now my Nan was being buried in the same plot. I lost the plot!! You had the flu that day but it was you who comforted me and made sure I was alright.
You once showed your 'soft' side when you wrote a letter to your sister while she was going through some tough times. You told her that you loved her and hoped that she was ok.
I know of several friends who often used you as a sounding board. You were easy to talk to and had a great big, 'soft' heart.
When we got the news that my Nan had passed away, you and I were in the middle of a disagreement about various teenage 'things'. But, as soon as we got that phone call, you had your arms around me, you told your girlfriend she was going home and you told me you were coming with me, to be with my family.
On the day of Nan's funeral I was fine until the burial at the cemetery. Your brothers, Toby and Nick, had been buried in with my grandfather, and now my Nan was being buried in the same plot. I lost the plot!! You had the flu that day but it was you who comforted me and made sure I was alright.
You once showed your 'soft' side when you wrote a letter to your sister while she was going through some tough times. You told her that you loved her and hoped that she was ok.
I know of several friends who often used you as a sounding board. You were easy to talk to and had a great big, 'soft' heart.
Thursday 28 June 2012
"ON THE SHELF"
'On the shelf' in the spare room (I wish we didn't have a spare room!) are a few things that once belonged to you.
A photo in a frame shows you at the age of ten, standing very proudly beside Matthew Richardson from the Richmond AFL team. He was never your favourite player but he was a big name in the team so you were quite pleased to actually meet him.
Some of the beanie kids you used to collect as a little tacker are on the bedside table. You didn't want to appear prissy so you only collected a few lions and tigers and dogs.
On the shelf in the wardrobe are the shoes you were wearing on the day you died. They were the first thing I saw when I walked through the front door that day. You had kicked them off in your usual fashion beside the door. I couldn't bear to throw them out!
A photo in a frame shows you at the age of ten, standing very proudly beside Matthew Richardson from the Richmond AFL team. He was never your favourite player but he was a big name in the team so you were quite pleased to actually meet him.
Some of the beanie kids you used to collect as a little tacker are on the bedside table. You didn't want to appear prissy so you only collected a few lions and tigers and dogs.
On the shelf in the wardrobe are the shoes you were wearing on the day you died. They were the first thing I saw when I walked through the front door that day. You had kicked them off in your usual fashion beside the door. I couldn't bear to throw them out!
Wednesday 27 June 2012
"BATHROOM"
The bathroom went from being taboo in your 'boy' world to being arguably your favourite room.
You would spend ages in the bathroom making sure your hair was 'just right'. You would spend ages in the shower before dumping your towels on the floor along with your discarded underwear and your dirty socks.
You would shut yourself in the bathroom to trim those raggedy bits of hair that wouldn't go the way you wanted them. And then, much to Sian's disgust, you would leave the cut hair all over the basin and the floor.
However, a few years before you died, I decided that I had worked long and hard enough to warrant having a cleaner once a fortnight. Her main job was to thoroughly clean both bathrooms, in particular the showers which my arthritis found hard to cope with. After only a few months of this you questioned why I would pay a cleaner when I could be paying you to do the same thing. I scoffed at the idea and dared to suggest to you that the state you left the bathroom in was not a good job reference.
But, in your usual style, you managed to persuade me to give you a go.
And....you were fantastic!!!
I miss my bathroom cleaner! xxx
You would spend ages in the bathroom making sure your hair was 'just right'. You would spend ages in the shower before dumping your towels on the floor along with your discarded underwear and your dirty socks.
You would shut yourself in the bathroom to trim those raggedy bits of hair that wouldn't go the way you wanted them. And then, much to Sian's disgust, you would leave the cut hair all over the basin and the floor.
However, a few years before you died, I decided that I had worked long and hard enough to warrant having a cleaner once a fortnight. Her main job was to thoroughly clean both bathrooms, in particular the showers which my arthritis found hard to cope with. After only a few months of this you questioned why I would pay a cleaner when I could be paying you to do the same thing. I scoffed at the idea and dared to suggest to you that the state you left the bathroom in was not a good job reference.
But, in your usual style, you managed to persuade me to give you a go.
And....you were fantastic!!!
I miss my bathroom cleaner! xxx
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