I have made a decision which, in some respects, is quite difficult. I have decided not to continue my memory blog as many of the topics are starting to become repetitive with regards to memories of my beautiful boy.
I do plan to go back and edit some of my anniesMemoryaday blogs as I have thought of additions for some and have decided to add more photos to others.
The blogging has been, very unexpectedly, the best therapy I could have had. I have had to dig deep into both my memory and my emotions at times. I have cried and laughed and worried and wondered as I wrote my words. But I know my memories will last forever and I'm glad you all got to know my boy a little better through my shared stories.
I won't stop blogging though, as I have found it to be a wonderful outlet. I will now start a new blog which will be about me and the people in my life. That will include Jake as he has been a part of my life for 20 years. So, my thoughts and notes about him will not disappear, they will just become a part of the story of 'us' instead of 'the story of Jake'.
Thanks for sharing my memories and for the many positive comments I received from you all.
Tuesday 3 July 2012
Monday 2 July 2012
"BUSY"
"Bit busy right now!"
That was your standard reply if we asked you to do anything around the house. This response was almost automatic and was even prevalent when you were sitting doing nothing on the computer or just zoning out with TV.
Eventually, you would usually do what we asked you to do but it was always in your own sweet time. I think you just liked to be in control.
That was your standard reply if we asked you to do anything around the house. This response was almost automatic and was even prevalent when you were sitting doing nothing on the computer or just zoning out with TV.
Eventually, you would usually do what we asked you to do but it was always in your own sweet time. I think you just liked to be in control.
Sunday 1 July 2012
"SELF PORTRAIT"
Your very first kinder painting hung on our playroom wall for several years. It was a self portrait and showed a very smiley-faced boy and his dog (Bran) under a tree.
It was actually made amazing by the fact that you hated painting because you didn't like getting your hands dirty. We kept that painting but I am not sure that I recall seeing it in the move to this house so it probably went the way of the white teddy bear...in the rubbish bin during one of your clean-outs!!
It was actually made amazing by the fact that you hated painting because you didn't like getting your hands dirty. We kept that painting but I am not sure that I recall seeing it in the move to this house so it probably went the way of the white teddy bear...in the rubbish bin during one of your clean-outs!!
Saturday 30 June 2012
"A FRIEND"
I can't write about 'a friend' when you clearly had way too many friends for me to write about just one!
Some of your secondary school teachers once told me that your year level was so "together" that duty teachers had to ask you all to split up into smaller groups in order that your 'group' was not so intimidating. Apparently, there was often 30 or 40 of you 'hanging out' together! It was just the sheer size of the group that proved too daunting to a lone teacher on the beat!
This volume of friendship was particularly evident at your funeral. The church holds about 500 people and it was filled to capacity that day!! What a fitting tribute!
Two days after you died about 20 of your friends turned up on our doorstep. They came in silently, some shedding tears, all supporting us and each other. They sat on our lounge room floor for hours and cried and told stories of the things you got up to with all of them. They were still there when the funeral director came to organise your funeral and, without hesitation, your mates volunteered to carry your coffin, to deliver several of the eulogies and to provide the music.
They are good friends, Jake! They have been truly supportive of us and each other this past year. I know that they have been hurting without their mate! But, they have included us in their storytelling sessions (probably condensed versions) and have visited us occasionally. Some of them have invited us to their 21st birthdays...a lovely way for us to 'feel' a bit of you, as you would have been right there amongst them!!
They have continued to keep Amber in their lives and she is truly one of their 'friends'. Just the way you would have wanted! xxx
Some of your secondary school teachers once told me that your year level was so "together" that duty teachers had to ask you all to split up into smaller groups in order that your 'group' was not so intimidating. Apparently, there was often 30 or 40 of you 'hanging out' together! It was just the sheer size of the group that proved too daunting to a lone teacher on the beat!
This volume of friendship was particularly evident at your funeral. The church holds about 500 people and it was filled to capacity that day!! What a fitting tribute!
Two days after you died about 20 of your friends turned up on our doorstep. They came in silently, some shedding tears, all supporting us and each other. They sat on our lounge room floor for hours and cried and told stories of the things you got up to with all of them. They were still there when the funeral director came to organise your funeral and, without hesitation, your mates volunteered to carry your coffin, to deliver several of the eulogies and to provide the music.
They are good friends, Jake! They have been truly supportive of us and each other this past year. I know that they have been hurting without their mate! But, they have included us in their storytelling sessions (probably condensed versions) and have visited us occasionally. Some of them have invited us to their 21st birthdays...a lovely way for us to 'feel' a bit of you, as you would have been right there amongst them!!
They have continued to keep Amber in their lives and she is truly one of their 'friends'. Just the way you would have wanted! xxx
Friday 29 June 2012
"SOFT"
You had such a 'soft' heart. For all your bravado and 'coolness' you never, ever liked to see those close to you feeling hurt or upset.
When we got the news that my Nan had passed away, you and I were in the middle of a disagreement about various teenage 'things'. But, as soon as we got that phone call, you had your arms around me, you told your girlfriend she was going home and you told me you were coming with me, to be with my family.
On the day of Nan's funeral I was fine until the burial at the cemetery. Your brothers, Toby and Nick, had been buried in with my grandfather, and now my Nan was being buried in the same plot. I lost the plot!! You had the flu that day but it was you who comforted me and made sure I was alright.
You once showed your 'soft' side when you wrote a letter to your sister while she was going through some tough times. You told her that you loved her and hoped that she was ok.
I know of several friends who often used you as a sounding board. You were easy to talk to and had a great big, 'soft' heart.
When we got the news that my Nan had passed away, you and I were in the middle of a disagreement about various teenage 'things'. But, as soon as we got that phone call, you had your arms around me, you told your girlfriend she was going home and you told me you were coming with me, to be with my family.
On the day of Nan's funeral I was fine until the burial at the cemetery. Your brothers, Toby and Nick, had been buried in with my grandfather, and now my Nan was being buried in the same plot. I lost the plot!! You had the flu that day but it was you who comforted me and made sure I was alright.
You once showed your 'soft' side when you wrote a letter to your sister while she was going through some tough times. You told her that you loved her and hoped that she was ok.
I know of several friends who often used you as a sounding board. You were easy to talk to and had a great big, 'soft' heart.
Thursday 28 June 2012
"ON THE SHELF"
'On the shelf' in the spare room (I wish we didn't have a spare room!) are a few things that once belonged to you.
A photo in a frame shows you at the age of ten, standing very proudly beside Matthew Richardson from the Richmond AFL team. He was never your favourite player but he was a big name in the team so you were quite pleased to actually meet him.
Some of the beanie kids you used to collect as a little tacker are on the bedside table. You didn't want to appear prissy so you only collected a few lions and tigers and dogs.
On the shelf in the wardrobe are the shoes you were wearing on the day you died. They were the first thing I saw when I walked through the front door that day. You had kicked them off in your usual fashion beside the door. I couldn't bear to throw them out!
A photo in a frame shows you at the age of ten, standing very proudly beside Matthew Richardson from the Richmond AFL team. He was never your favourite player but he was a big name in the team so you were quite pleased to actually meet him.
Some of the beanie kids you used to collect as a little tacker are on the bedside table. You didn't want to appear prissy so you only collected a few lions and tigers and dogs.
On the shelf in the wardrobe are the shoes you were wearing on the day you died. They were the first thing I saw when I walked through the front door that day. You had kicked them off in your usual fashion beside the door. I couldn't bear to throw them out!
Wednesday 27 June 2012
"BATHROOM"
The bathroom went from being taboo in your 'boy' world to being arguably your favourite room.
You would spend ages in the bathroom making sure your hair was 'just right'. You would spend ages in the shower before dumping your towels on the floor along with your discarded underwear and your dirty socks.
You would shut yourself in the bathroom to trim those raggedy bits of hair that wouldn't go the way you wanted them. And then, much to Sian's disgust, you would leave the cut hair all over the basin and the floor.
However, a few years before you died, I decided that I had worked long and hard enough to warrant having a cleaner once a fortnight. Her main job was to thoroughly clean both bathrooms, in particular the showers which my arthritis found hard to cope with. After only a few months of this you questioned why I would pay a cleaner when I could be paying you to do the same thing. I scoffed at the idea and dared to suggest to you that the state you left the bathroom in was not a good job reference.
But, in your usual style, you managed to persuade me to give you a go.
And....you were fantastic!!!
I miss my bathroom cleaner! xxx
You would spend ages in the bathroom making sure your hair was 'just right'. You would spend ages in the shower before dumping your towels on the floor along with your discarded underwear and your dirty socks.
You would shut yourself in the bathroom to trim those raggedy bits of hair that wouldn't go the way you wanted them. And then, much to Sian's disgust, you would leave the cut hair all over the basin and the floor.
However, a few years before you died, I decided that I had worked long and hard enough to warrant having a cleaner once a fortnight. Her main job was to thoroughly clean both bathrooms, in particular the showers which my arthritis found hard to cope with. After only a few months of this you questioned why I would pay a cleaner when I could be paying you to do the same thing. I scoffed at the idea and dared to suggest to you that the state you left the bathroom in was not a good job reference.
But, in your usual style, you managed to persuade me to give you a go.
And....you were fantastic!!!
I miss my bathroom cleaner! xxx
Tuesday 26 June 2012
"WHERE YOU SHOP"
Well, nowhere if you can possibly help it!!!
Shopping just wasn't your thing!!
I remember, when you were about 8 or 9 years old, my Nan (your "Grandnan") asked if I would take her Christmas shopping at Fountain Gate. I can't for the life of me think why because she also hated shopping and she would have been about 88 years old at the time!! I also can't think why your Nan and I agreed to take, not just Grandnan, but you and Clare as well!! You wanted to do your Christmas shopping too! How silly were we?
We laugh about it now but, at the time, it was a nightmare!!!
Both Nan and I knew not to plan any shopping for ourselves as our hands would be full with the three of you. But, when we got there you, Grandnan and Clare decided to nick into the $2 shop. So, I nicked into Target and Nan had to go downstairs to pick up something from K-Mart.
The three of you were finished in 5 seconds flat! All of your shopping was completed in the $2 shop! And as far as you were all concerned it was then time to go home. I had finished in Target but Nan was not back yet so I bought the three of you an ice-cream and found a table for you to sit at!!
Grandnan then spent the rest of the time trying to persuade me to put an announcement over the PA system so that Nan could be paged. How embarrassing would that be??? Of course I didn't do it but I did vow that I would never take you, Clare or Nan to Fountain Gate again!!
Fancy going all that way for 5 minutes of shopping in a $2 shop!!
Last of the big spenders!!! xxx
Shopping just wasn't your thing!!
I remember, when you were about 8 or 9 years old, my Nan (your "Grandnan") asked if I would take her Christmas shopping at Fountain Gate. I can't for the life of me think why because she also hated shopping and she would have been about 88 years old at the time!! I also can't think why your Nan and I agreed to take, not just Grandnan, but you and Clare as well!! You wanted to do your Christmas shopping too! How silly were we?
We laugh about it now but, at the time, it was a nightmare!!!
Both Nan and I knew not to plan any shopping for ourselves as our hands would be full with the three of you. But, when we got there you, Grandnan and Clare decided to nick into the $2 shop. So, I nicked into Target and Nan had to go downstairs to pick up something from K-Mart.
The three of you were finished in 5 seconds flat! All of your shopping was completed in the $2 shop! And as far as you were all concerned it was then time to go home. I had finished in Target but Nan was not back yet so I bought the three of you an ice-cream and found a table for you to sit at!!
Grandnan then spent the rest of the time trying to persuade me to put an announcement over the PA system so that Nan could be paged. How embarrassing would that be??? Of course I didn't do it but I did vow that I would never take you, Clare or Nan to Fountain Gate again!!
Fancy going all that way for 5 minutes of shopping in a $2 shop!!
Last of the big spenders!!! xxx
Monday 25 June 2012
"SOMETHING CUTE"
Easy one!!! You were very cute from the minute you took your first breath until the minute you took your last!! Just ask all the girls!!
But, everyone knows how cute you were in your latter years so I decided to put up some reminders of how cute you were as a 'littley'!
You often made everyone laugh with your infectious giggles and cute smiles!
Your 'cuteness' changed from a pudgy, smiley, little baby to a tall, angular, but still very 'cute' and smiley teenager!
You were even cute when you were being toilet-trained. Here you had Mary and Sian dancing with joy because you had successfully used the potty.
How could a smile like this be anything BUT cute!!!
You had started kinder here and your popularity just grew and grew... you were just SO cute!!! Irresistible!!
But, everyone knows how cute you were in your latter years so I decided to put up some reminders of how cute you were as a 'littley'!
Sunday 24 June 2012
"ON YOUR MIND"
You probably always had a lot of things on your mind as you were highly intelligent and always talking about your dreams for the future.
You wanted to complete your apprenticeship at The Gazette and work there for a few years. After that you wanted to travel and were particularly taken with the idea of going to Belgium to try to locate the Chateau de Berlo which was named and occupied by your ancestors in ancient times. I hope that your sister or one of your many cousins gets to fulfil that dream for you one day.
Your travel dreams included the USA and, in particular, Disneyland and New York. Some of your friends are doing just that this year and next year...perhaps they can share a few photos of what might have been.
Your dreams for the future included running your own online business and investing in property and the share market.
You spoke of one day getting married and having a family. You even named Rhys and Jaydan as your groomsmen.
You had a lot of things on your mind... bands to see, music to play, campsites to visit, fish to catch, places to drive to. The list goes on....
But, we can only dream of what might have been!
You wanted to complete your apprenticeship at The Gazette and work there for a few years. After that you wanted to travel and were particularly taken with the idea of going to Belgium to try to locate the Chateau de Berlo which was named and occupied by your ancestors in ancient times. I hope that your sister or one of your many cousins gets to fulfil that dream for you one day.
Your travel dreams included the USA and, in particular, Disneyland and New York. Some of your friends are doing just that this year and next year...perhaps they can share a few photos of what might have been.
Your dreams for the future included running your own online business and investing in property and the share market.
You spoke of one day getting married and having a family. You even named Rhys and Jaydan as your groomsmen.
You had a lot of things on your mind... bands to see, music to play, campsites to visit, fish to catch, places to drive to. The list goes on....
But, we can only dream of what might have been!
Saturday 23 June 2012
"MOVEMENT"
You weren't the fastest basketballer on the team but boy, could you jump?!!! Your standing jump was amazing! You were always an asset on the basketball team because you were so tall, you were so accurate and you could jump to even greater heights beneath the ring. Therefore, you were often one of the top scorers. With Joe's speed and your accuracy, the game was always good to watch.
At Primary school you would always score really well in the 'beep' tests but, in particular, the standing jump.
You loved sport and anything to do with throwing. You were quite good at throwing things at windows, skimming stones on Dad's fishing trips, doing detention for your accuracy with bits of tan-bark and hitting the bulls-eye on a dart board.
You could move on all fours with lightning speed when playing on the floor with Snoop.
But, if I asked you to do anything with a hint of housework in it, your 'movements' were quite slow. Your usual verbal response was, "Bit busy at the moment!" when it was quite obvious that the 'busy-ness' consisted of playing computer games or watching TV!
At Primary school you would always score really well in the 'beep' tests but, in particular, the standing jump.
You loved sport and anything to do with throwing. You were quite good at throwing things at windows, skimming stones on Dad's fishing trips, doing detention for your accuracy with bits of tan-bark and hitting the bulls-eye on a dart board.
You could move on all fours with lightning speed when playing on the floor with Snoop.
But, if I asked you to do anything with a hint of housework in it, your 'movements' were quite slow. Your usual verbal response was, "Bit busy at the moment!" when it was quite obvious that the 'busy-ness' consisted of playing computer games or watching TV!
Friday 22 June 2012
"FROM A HIGH ANGLE"
Everything would have looked like it was "from a high angle"to you because you stood so much taller than most of us!
However, again, this post lends itself to photos rather than words. So here are some more memories:
This one shows you 'from a high angle' and wearing your christening gown. You were about 2 months old on the day of your baptism. Your godparents are Helene and 'Funny' Mick. This is a good example of the red tuft of hair which stood straight up in the air. It eventually turned white and then a sandy colour as you grew older...but it always stood straight up in the air
You look a bit shell-shocked as your big sister tries to 'feed' you with her dolly bottle 'from a high angle'.
You both loved baths at that age! You later went through that typical 'boy thing' of not wanting a bath or a shower. However, once we got you there you would have stayed under the water for hours if we let you!!
This one is such a cute photo taken 'from a high angle' and showing you and little Charlie both having a kip on the lounge room floor.
I'm not even going to hazard a guess about this one...I just know it's been taken 'from a high angle'!
However, again, this post lends itself to photos rather than words. So here are some more memories:
Thursday 21 June 2012
"WHERE YOU SLEPT"
You were the easiest child to take on outings as toddler! We used to go to friends' houses for dinner. There would be kids everywhere and you would run around with them for hours at a time. But, when you were tired, you would need sleep straight away...and if you didn't climb up on my knee to go to sleep you would just lie on the floor at my feet and be asleep in seconds!
It always amazed me that you would sleep anywhere because you were really a terrible sleeper. The thing was that when you were tired you would sleep instantly and you would sleep so soundly that nothing would wake you! But, your sleep was often short-lived! You didn't need much sleep...maybe because you slept so soundly in short bursts!
In the car you would be lulled to sleep very quickly. I remember screaming at Dad to stop the car when you were about 8 or 9 months old because I had turned around to check you and you had your eyes partly open but I could not rouse you. After that I often noticed that your eyes would be open just a slit. I think it contributed to poor eyesight as your eyes must have been quite dry.
So...to sum it up!! You would sleep anywhere!!!
It always amazed me that you would sleep anywhere because you were really a terrible sleeper. The thing was that when you were tired you would sleep instantly and you would sleep so soundly that nothing would wake you! But, your sleep was often short-lived! You didn't need much sleep...maybe because you slept so soundly in short bursts!
In the car you would be lulled to sleep very quickly. I remember screaming at Dad to stop the car when you were about 8 or 9 months old because I had turned around to check you and you had your eyes partly open but I could not rouse you. After that I often noticed that your eyes would be open just a slit. I think it contributed to poor eyesight as your eyes must have been quite dry.
So...to sum it up!! You would sleep anywhere!!!
Wednesday 20 June 2012
"FAVE PHOTO YOU'VE EVER TAKEN"
I don't have many photos taken by you...just hundreds that have been taken OF you!!
However, I managed to resurrect these two photos which were probably not your favourite but they still tell a tale of the Jake we know and love.
This one is a screen shot taken as you and Amber chatted online to an unknown guy who proceeded to pile shoes on his head!! You were highly amused by his absurdity...which displays a little of your sense of humour.
The next picture is not a photo taken by you but tells a story of the sort of things you were able to do with photos. Above the bridge, and slightly to the right, is a photo of you smiling down at us all!! You have to look closely and sometimes you need to change the angle of the screen but, like a hologram, it is definitely there!! Very clever! I love it!!
However, I managed to resurrect these two photos which were probably not your favourite but they still tell a tale of the Jake we know and love.
This one is a screen shot taken as you and Amber chatted online to an unknown guy who proceeded to pile shoes on his head!! You were highly amused by his absurdity...which displays a little of your sense of humour.
Tuesday 19 June 2012
"IMPERFECT"
I'm not sure that I can say anything about you was imperfect when you spent your whole life being a perfectionist! You hated making mistakes, everything had to look just right and you didn't suffer fools!
But, if you thought there was a chance that you might not live up to your own expectations, then you would sometimes become a little bit 'imperfect' on purpose! In my world it's called 'dumbing down' and its quite common amongst gifted and talented students who don't like to fail. This describes you to a tee!
But, let me list my favourite 'imperfections' about my 'perfect' son:
You had an 'imperfect' little mole just to one side of your nose.
You had an 'imperfect' little finger which was rendered permanently crooked when you broke it AND dislocated it in a football match at school.
You had an 'imperfect' knee which would pop out just when you needed it not to!
You had 'imperfect' eyesight and needed contact lenses to perfect your vision.
You had 'imperfect' habits such as leaving towels on the floor, having a messy room and laziness.
But, to me, you were perfect!!! xxx
But, if you thought there was a chance that you might not live up to your own expectations, then you would sometimes become a little bit 'imperfect' on purpose! In my world it's called 'dumbing down' and its quite common amongst gifted and talented students who don't like to fail. This describes you to a tee!
But, let me list my favourite 'imperfections' about my 'perfect' son:
You had an 'imperfect' little mole just to one side of your nose.
You had an 'imperfect' little finger which was rendered permanently crooked when you broke it AND dislocated it in a football match at school.
You had an 'imperfect' knee which would pop out just when you needed it not to!
You had 'imperfect' eyesight and needed contact lenses to perfect your vision.
You had 'imperfect' habits such as leaving towels on the floor, having a messy room and laziness.
But, to me, you were perfect!!! xxx
Monday 18 June 2012
"SOMETHING WE DON"T KNOW ABOUT YOU"
We don't know how you are feeling today. Are you feeling happy and at peace? Are you feeling some regret that your desperation drove you away from us? We don't know if you are missing us as much as we are missing you.
We didn't know all the things you got up to at school...probably just as well!! But, in hindsight, who cares? You never sought to hurt anybody and, as far as we know, you didn't.
We didn't know the full extent of your depression or of your addiction. We knew of both those afflictions as you discussed them with us quite tearfully...but we really didn't think that they were bad enough to take you away. I wish we did!
We didn't know all the things you got up to at school...probably just as well!! But, in hindsight, who cares? You never sought to hurt anybody and, as far as we know, you didn't.
We didn't know the full extent of your depression or of your addiction. We knew of both those afflictions as you discussed them with us quite tearfully...but we really didn't think that they were bad enough to take you away. I wish we did!
Sunday 17 June 2012
"IN YOUR BAG"
Many, many parents will relate to this entry as I tell tales of the green sandwiches and sloppy bananas which seemed to breed in the bottom of your school bag. And, what's more, (I hate to tell those parents of today's schoolchildren) it didn't really stop until you left school.
Your school bag had to be thrown away after you finished school as I couldn't seem to get rid of the 'mouldy' smell.
We rarely knew about things happening in your secondary school life as those furry, once-edible creatures that lived in your school bag would devour any notices you were given. They were truly irresponsible little monsters!
When you packed for your stays at 383 you would shove things 'in your bag' in order of priority. The list went as follows:
Your school bag had to be thrown away after you finished school as I couldn't seem to get rid of the 'mouldy' smell.
We rarely knew about things happening in your secondary school life as those furry, once-edible creatures that lived in your school bag would devour any notices you were given. They were truly irresponsible little monsters!
When you packed for your stays at 383 you would shove things 'in your bag' in order of priority. The list went as follows:
- Phone charger
- Cookie dough
- Doritos
- Frozen pizzas
- Other food items
- Jocks
- Socks
- A change of clothes
- Doona
Saturday 16 June 2012
"OUT AND ABOUT"
I thought a few photos might tell more of a story than I could write here. You were very popular right throughout your life and therefore, you had a busy social life. I think your easy-going nature and your warm smile endeared you to many people. These photos show you with your mates at local venues or at friends' homes.
This photo was taken just before Christmas 2010 when you and Amber spent a couple of days in the city celebrating your anniversary.
These next few pictures show you at the pub and hanging out with your mates.
With Jaydan, Fozzie and Nathan
With Andy, Jaydan and Alysha
'Great' mates Walshy and Kingo.
Just hanging out at a mate's place.
This last photo shows you and Sian at your cousin Mark's wedding just a few weeks before you died.
Gosh, I have beautiful children!!!xxx
This photo was taken just before Christmas 2010 when you and Amber spent a couple of days in the city celebrating your anniversary.
These next few pictures show you at the pub and hanging out with your mates.
This last photo shows you and Sian at your cousin Mark's wedding just a few weeks before you died.
Friday 15 June 2012
"YELLOW"
For almost 20 years you waited to sing the famous "Yellow and Black" chorus at a grand final. It didn't happen and I think it will be a few years before it does!
We loved going to the games together to watch Carlton playing Richmond. Sian and Dad would wear their blues gear and you and I would wave our yellow and black flags and proudly wear our yellow and black scarves.
Sadly, our team seemed destined to be 'ninth' every year. Once, after a game, we walked out of the MCG after yet another loss with you singing "Oh we're from Fairyland" instead of the usual lyrics. You had the crowds giggling and joining in.
Each year you would threaten to barrack for a different team but you never did! We would text each other every time Richmond won and the only words we ever had to write were "Yellow and Black!" I think I was always more pleased to get your text message than I was to see Richmond win! I loved that you were so pleased!
I love the atmosphere at those games but I'm not sure that it will ever be the same without my 'yellow and black' buddy! xxx
We loved going to the games together to watch Carlton playing Richmond. Sian and Dad would wear their blues gear and you and I would wave our yellow and black flags and proudly wear our yellow and black scarves.
Sadly, our team seemed destined to be 'ninth' every year. Once, after a game, we walked out of the MCG after yet another loss with you singing "Oh we're from Fairyland" instead of the usual lyrics. You had the crowds giggling and joining in.
Each year you would threaten to barrack for a different team but you never did! We would text each other every time Richmond won and the only words we ever had to write were "Yellow and Black!" I think I was always more pleased to get your text message than I was to see Richmond win! I loved that you were so pleased!
I love the atmosphere at those games but I'm not sure that it will ever be the same without my 'yellow and black' buddy! xxx
Thursday 14 June 2012
"TIME"
"If I could save time in a bottle..."
You never liked wearing a watch until Amber bought you one for Christmas a few months before you died.
Time was never high on your list of priorities. You would leave for work at 8.29am for an 8.30 start!
Your lunch hour was usually a full hour...at home! You would leave to go back to work only after you had had exactly an hour at home! Your bosses didn't seem to mind..they were very easy-going!
Time now is very relevant to what matters most. It seems like forever since I have heard your voice and seen your smile and been held in one of your 'tall hugs'. But it seems like only yesterday since that dreadful day when our world was turned upside-down by your desperate departure.
You never liked wearing a watch until Amber bought you one for Christmas a few months before you died.
Time was never high on your list of priorities. You would leave for work at 8.29am for an 8.30 start!
Your lunch hour was usually a full hour...at home! You would leave to go back to work only after you had had exactly an hour at home! Your bosses didn't seem to mind..they were very easy-going!
Time now is very relevant to what matters most. It seems like forever since I have heard your voice and seen your smile and been held in one of your 'tall hugs'. But it seems like only yesterday since that dreadful day when our world was turned upside-down by your desperate departure.
Wednesday 13 June 2012
"ART"
To get the full picture of this blog you have to first get a picture of where we lived. When we first moved into our house at Maple Way there were beautiful views of the Strzelecki Ranges but nowhere to enjoy the view. So, we put a very large deck on the east end of the house. Then we put a double glass door leading out on to this deck. There were no windows on this east wall, only the double glass door, as the deck was built on to the end of the garage. This deck overlooked the backyard as well as a kindergarten and a primary school. And, because it faced east, it was quite sheltered from the rain.
You and your mates loved socialising both in the garage and on the deck. And, here's where the 'art' comes into the picture.
One night you and your many 'friends' decided that the brick wall on the deck needed some 'art' work! So, you used coloured chalk to draw a giant penis surrounded by smaller ones of the same variety and many different profanities!! All over the brick wall!!
Great!!! How come you objected so vehemently when we produced a bucket of soapy water and some scrubbing brushes and asked you and your mates to clean it off?!! You thought WE were so rude asking your friends to wash a wall when they were your guests!!
Hello!!!
On a lighter note...our dining room table still bears the impression of some of your more decorous 'art' work from when you were doing a rare moment of homework! A precious memory! xxx
You and your mates loved socialising both in the garage and on the deck. And, here's where the 'art' comes into the picture.
One night you and your many 'friends' decided that the brick wall on the deck needed some 'art' work! So, you used coloured chalk to draw a giant penis surrounded by smaller ones of the same variety and many different profanities!! All over the brick wall!!
Great!!! How come you objected so vehemently when we produced a bucket of soapy water and some scrubbing brushes and asked you and your mates to clean it off?!! You thought WE were so rude asking your friends to wash a wall when they were your guests!!
Hello!!!
On a lighter note...our dining room table still bears the impression of some of your more decorous 'art' work from when you were doing a rare moment of homework! A precious memory! xxx
Tuesday 12 June 2012
"FROM A LOW ANGLE"
The first pic was taken from 'a low angle' beneath the tree as you monkeyed around with your cousins, Simon and Peter.
Showing one of your many silly faces and taken 'from a low angle' in Amber's pool.
I hope you don't mind me using this one, Amber! It's a great shot of the two of you 'from a low angle'.
Monday 11 June 2012
"DOOR"
You were almost as tall as the door frame...or it always seemed that way!
You once put a hole in your wardrobe door. It was just before we sold that house so we had to turn the door inside out before people came through with the agents!
Even today, this all seems so surreal! It's as though at any any minute you will stroll casually through the front door into the kitchen and give us one of your disarming grins.
But I know that's not going to happen! Not all dreams can come true!
You once put a hole in your wardrobe door. It was just before we sold that house so we had to turn the door inside out before people came through with the agents!
Even today, this all seems so surreal! It's as though at any any minute you will stroll casually through the front door into the kitchen and give us one of your disarming grins.
But I know that's not going to happen! Not all dreams can come true!
Sunday 10 June 2012
"BEST BIT OF YOUR WEEKEND"
Mmmm...let me see! Was it stepping through the front door at 5:15pm on Friday evening, kicking off your shoes and leaning back in your chair while you played on your computer?
Was it leaving the house just before 6pm on Friday evening, only to return 20 minutes later with Jimi in tow so that we could give him a good feed?
Was it having 3 or 4 mates over (more like 16 or 17) to play pool or poker or watch the footy in the shed?
Was it heading down to the town at about midnight to see what the social scene was like in the pubs?
Was it going to see Amber, or to a party, or both?
Was it the get-togethers at any one of your mates houses?
Was it the sleep-ins after the late night?
Or, was it the Sunday evening roast?
I think it was all 'the best bit of your weekend'!
Was it leaving the house just before 6pm on Friday evening, only to return 20 minutes later with Jimi in tow so that we could give him a good feed?
Was it having 3 or 4 mates over (more like 16 or 17) to play pool or poker or watch the footy in the shed?
Was it heading down to the town at about midnight to see what the social scene was like in the pubs?
Was it going to see Amber, or to a party, or both?
Was it the get-togethers at any one of your mates houses?
Was it the sleep-ins after the late night?
Or, was it the Sunday evening roast?
I think it was all 'the best bit of your weekend'!
Saturday 9 June 2012
"YOUR VIEW TODAY"
You rest on a hillside with your twin brothers and two of your maternal great-grandparents. Your paternal grandparents are nearby.
From there, your view is the green hills which form part of the foothills of Mt. Baw Baw. Just down the valley is the far end of the Tarago Reservoir and, at the bottom of the hill you rest on, is the fishing spot you frequented with your Dad on Elton Rd.
It's a beautiful, peaceful place. It's a place you used to call "Heaven" when, as a small child, we visited the very gravesite where you now lie, to place flowers for your brothers. You and Sian would run around, jumping over the graves and racing up and down the hill. We didn't ever feel this was inappropriate as this was the playground of your brothers. It was just a different place to play.
Before we went there you would ask, "Where are Toby and Nick?" We would explain that they lived in Heaven, so it was natural for a little boy like you to put two-and-two together and decide that the cemetery must be Heaven!
Now your view is Heaven!
From there, your view is the green hills which form part of the foothills of Mt. Baw Baw. Just down the valley is the far end of the Tarago Reservoir and, at the bottom of the hill you rest on, is the fishing spot you frequented with your Dad on Elton Rd.
It's a beautiful, peaceful place. It's a place you used to call "Heaven" when, as a small child, we visited the very gravesite where you now lie, to place flowers for your brothers. You and Sian would run around, jumping over the graves and racing up and down the hill. We didn't ever feel this was inappropriate as this was the playground of your brothers. It was just a different place to play.
Before we went there you would ask, "Where are Toby and Nick?" We would explain that they lived in Heaven, so it was natural for a little boy like you to put two-and-two together and decide that the cemetery must be Heaven!
Now your view is Heaven!
Friday 8 June 2012
"6 O'CLOCK"
You were usually in bed by 6 o'clock!! ...and I mean a.m. NOT p.m!
On Saturday mornings it was quite usual for you to arrive home somewhere between 4 o'clock and 6 o'clock. You would then sleep until about 1pm.
It was funny really because that was about the time you would have been waking up as a precocious 2 year old!! What a turnaround!!
That wasn't the case on weeknights of course! You would usually play on the computer until about 11 o'clock, unless you were playing basketball or visiting Amber.
On Saturday mornings it was quite usual for you to arrive home somewhere between 4 o'clock and 6 o'clock. You would then sleep until about 1pm.
It was funny really because that was about the time you would have been waking up as a precocious 2 year old!! What a turnaround!!
That wasn't the case on weeknights of course! You would usually play on the computer until about 11 o'clock, unless you were playing basketball or visiting Amber.
Thursday 7 June 2012
"DRINK"
You liked a drink!!
From the moment you were born you liked a drink! You would have fed 24/7 if I let you as a baby! Then when we put you on to a bottle it was the same.
Of course, in later years, you liked a few drinks with your mates too! But I think you were actually a worse drinker at around 17 or 18 rather than in your last 12 or 18 months of life.
You were quite often the driver in the later months. You would offer to drive everyone to whatever venue was choice for the night. Then, much later in the night, when everyone was back at someone's house, you would start your drinking.
You liked a beer. You sometimes stole wine from Dad's collection in the shed. You once drank the vodka I had on the wine rack and replaced it with water.
You needed plenty of water when you played basketball and drinks to replace electrolytes once you had finished as you were prone to cramps and these drinks seemed to help dissuade them.
From the moment you were born you liked a drink! You would have fed 24/7 if I let you as a baby! Then when we put you on to a bottle it was the same.
Of course, in later years, you liked a few drinks with your mates too! But I think you were actually a worse drinker at around 17 or 18 rather than in your last 12 or 18 months of life.
You were quite often the driver in the later months. You would offer to drive everyone to whatever venue was choice for the night. Then, much later in the night, when everyone was back at someone's house, you would start your drinking.
You liked a beer. You sometimes stole wine from Dad's collection in the shed. You once drank the vodka I had on the wine rack and replaced it with water.
You needed plenty of water when you played basketball and drinks to replace electrolytes once you had finished as you were prone to cramps and these drinks seemed to help dissuade them.
Wednesday 6 June 2012
"HAT"
You would NEVER wear a hat...it would have messed up your hair!!! It always made me laugh when you said that!!!I didn't think it could get any messier!!
I remember when you went and did a day's work for Steve, our neighbour. You were digging a trench in 35 degree heat but you steadfastly refused to wear a hat!!
I bought you a school hat once you went to Marist Sion but it still looked brand new when you left!
At primary school it was compulsory to wear a hat for terms 1 and 4. You were a student leader and therefore had to set an example so you did wear a hat sometimes. But, every time I saw you, the hat was protecting your hand from the sun, not your head!
What a ....head!!! xxx
I remember when you went and did a day's work for Steve, our neighbour. You were digging a trench in 35 degree heat but you steadfastly refused to wear a hat!!
I bought you a school hat once you went to Marist Sion but it still looked brand new when you left!
At primary school it was compulsory to wear a hat for terms 1 and 4. You were a student leader and therefore had to set an example so you did wear a hat sometimes. But, every time I saw you, the hat was protecting your hand from the sun, not your head!
What a ....head!!! xxx
Tuesday 5 June 2012
"SIGN"
I decided to use 'signs' as my prompts for this topic.
I'm so glad i was never very house-proud! I allowed you to make lots of memories for me to keep in my heart and to use in this blog!
Yep!! You definitely had that ability!
This one would have meant "Game On" to you and Walshy!! It would just have been a challenge to see what you could actually do that wasn't included on the list!!
And...this one just says it all!!
Monday 4 June 2012
"CLOSE UP"
I thought I would include some 'close-up' photos here as the title lends itself perfectly to this one!
But a quick word about you in 'close-up':
But a quick word about you in 'close-up':
- You very rarely had pimples so your skin would always look ok in close-up!
- Your face was always smiling so close-ups are a must!
- Your teeth may have had a lot of money spent on them but you couldn't tell that it was ever needed...they always looked quite good in close-up...especially if you had bothered to clean them!
Sunday 3 June 2012
"ON YOUR PLATE"
I think you had more 'on your plate' than you let on. We knew about your gambling problem and how it fuelled your depression. But, although you were open and communicative about it all with us, I don't think we were fully aware of the extent of the problem.
Your problem was really only huge in your mind but it obviously got to the point where it was 'too' big!! With a combination of depression, a gambling addiction and no resilience as far as 'failure' was concerned, you "had a lot on your plate!"
Your problem was really only huge in your mind but it obviously got to the point where it was 'too' big!! With a combination of depression, a gambling addiction and no resilience as far as 'failure' was concerned, you "had a lot on your plate!"
Saturday 2 June 2012
"EMPTY"
We have an empty room in our house now. It is only filled when friends or family come to stay.
We have an empty place at the table where once we had four-way conversations about our days.
We have an empty seat in the car which even now is unspokenly called "Jake's seat".
I often feel an emptiness when small reminders of you pay fleeting visits, usually at inopportune moments.
My heart has a 'hole' in it which was once filled with your presence and the worries and care that come with being a mum of a beautiful, teenage son. But it is not an empty hole....it is a space filled with love which will never die and memories which will remain within until we meet again. xxx
We have an empty place at the table where once we had four-way conversations about our days.
We have an empty seat in the car which even now is unspokenly called "Jake's seat".
I often feel an emptiness when small reminders of you pay fleeting visits, usually at inopportune moments.
My heart has a 'hole' in it which was once filled with your presence and the worries and care that come with being a mum of a beautiful, teenage son. But it is not an empty hole....it is a space filled with love which will never die and memories which will remain within until we meet again. xxx
Friday 1 June 2012
"MORNING"
We taught you to tell the time when you were three! We had to...or we would have gone around the twist 'cause we were SO sick of being up half the night 'playing' with you and then 'waking up' with you at 5:00am! So, we taught you how to read 6:30 on the clock and you were not allowed to come out of your room until then! It worked! You just played in your room until that time!
But, in your later years, you would still 'play' for half the night but we didn't have to wake up with you...only as you snuck back home in those wee small hours thinking that we wouldn't hear you! Saturday morning quite often consisted of 'playing' until about 4 or 5 o'clock and the bed for the rest of the morning!
You teenagers live in a topsy-turvy world!
Wish you still did! xxx
But, in your later years, you would still 'play' for half the night but we didn't have to wake up with you...only as you snuck back home in those wee small hours thinking that we wouldn't hear you! Saturday morning quite often consisted of 'playing' until about 4 or 5 o'clock and the bed for the rest of the morning!
You teenagers live in a topsy-turvy world!
Wish you still did! xxx
Thursday 31 May 2012
"SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL"
You were beautiful in many ways!
You were beautiful to look at with your broad shoulders, your relaxed smile and your blue, blue eyes. You were beautiful to listen to with your smooth tones and talent on the keyboard.
You had a beautiful nature as exemplified by the many who loved you.
Now, we have beautiful memories. We have the laughter and the intelligence. We have the smiles and the cuddles. We have the photos and the stories of the antics you and your mates got up to.
We have beautiful rainbows and stars in the sky to let us know that your beauty is not lost!! xxx
You were beautiful to look at with your broad shoulders, your relaxed smile and your blue, blue eyes. You were beautiful to listen to with your smooth tones and talent on the keyboard.
You had a beautiful nature as exemplified by the many who loved you.
Now, we have beautiful memories. We have the laughter and the intelligence. We have the smiles and the cuddles. We have the photos and the stories of the antics you and your mates got up to.
We have beautiful rainbows and stars in the sky to let us know that your beauty is not lost!! xxx
Wednesday 30 May 2012
"YOUR PERSONALITY"
You were always happy!!
As a baby you just charmed the pants off everyone with your smiles and your placid demeanor.... and that was usually after little or no sleep! You would even wake up in the middle of the night, with a face full of smiles, just ready for a play!!
You remained happy and easy-going throughout your whole life. No wonder you had so many friends! You could be intolerant of people you perceived as idiots. You would generally ignore them as much as possible but if you couldn't do that then they would suffer your wrath.
You were fairly quiet at home and had a very, very quick wit. You always made us laugh with your instant retorts and humour.
You enjoyed a joke and loved your sport, both participation and spectator.
You were a perfectionist in many ways and didn't like to get things wrong.
You cared about those close to you and hated to see any of us upset.
You had a great personality!!! xxx
As a baby you just charmed the pants off everyone with your smiles and your placid demeanor.... and that was usually after little or no sleep! You would even wake up in the middle of the night, with a face full of smiles, just ready for a play!!
You remained happy and easy-going throughout your whole life. No wonder you had so many friends! You could be intolerant of people you perceived as idiots. You would generally ignore them as much as possible but if you couldn't do that then they would suffer your wrath.
You were fairly quiet at home and had a very, very quick wit. You always made us laugh with your instant retorts and humour.
You enjoyed a joke and loved your sport, both participation and spectator.
You were a perfectionist in many ways and didn't like to get things wrong.
You cared about those close to you and hated to see any of us upset.
You had a great personality!!! xxx
Tuesday 29 May 2012
"A NUMBER"
Of course, I would have to say that one of your favourite numbers was "seven" as it was your standard answer to any question.
You also liked 12. I think that was because your birthday is on the 12th August but also because you went through a stage of having Richo as your favourite Tigers player and his number was 12.
Twelve has always been one of my favourite numbers as well...I'm not sure why. Maybe because it has so many factors for such a small number but more likely because it was your special number.
I know I don't like 11 any more...There were too many elevens associated with the day you died!
I guess your 'number' was up!
You also liked 12. I think that was because your birthday is on the 12th August but also because you went through a stage of having Richo as your favourite Tigers player and his number was 12.
Twelve has always been one of my favourite numbers as well...I'm not sure why. Maybe because it has so many factors for such a small number but more likely because it was your special number.
I know I don't like 11 any more...There were too many elevens associated with the day you died!
I guess your 'number' was up!
Monday 28 May 2012
"THE WEATHER TODAY"
The weather today was pretty ordinary. It was overcast just like the day you died. But today had a brighter side!!...
Just as we drove back home after visiting your Nan and Pa a rainbow met us in the valley beyond our house.
I knew you were with us!! xxx
Just as we drove back home after visiting your Nan and Pa a rainbow met us in the valley beyond our house.
I knew you were with us!! xxx
Sunday 27 May 2012
"SOMETHING SWEET"
I miss your sweet smile and the 'sweet' sound of your infectious laugh.
Your 'sweet tooth' meant that I had just finished forking out nearly $2000.00 to have your teeth all fixed up at the dentist.
You loved all things sweet and yet you weren't a dessert eater! You loved coke and pavlova and cinnamon sugar. You went through a stage where you just LOVED those icy pole tubes that you buy as liquid and put in the freezer. You loved cookie dough and mud cake.
No wonder I had to spend so much at the dentist!!!
"Sweet" was a word you used to describe anything good!
I think my children are my "something sweet"! xxx
Your 'sweet tooth' meant that I had just finished forking out nearly $2000.00 to have your teeth all fixed up at the dentist.
You loved all things sweet and yet you weren't a dessert eater! You loved coke and pavlova and cinnamon sugar. You went through a stage where you just LOVED those icy pole tubes that you buy as liquid and put in the freezer. You loved cookie dough and mud cake.
No wonder I had to spend so much at the dentist!!!
"Sweet" was a word you used to describe anything good!
I think my children are my "something sweet"! xxx
Saturday 26 May 2012
"12 O'CLOCK"
12 o' clock. Lunch time!!!
And, on the 11th May, 2011 at 12 o'clock noon...your 'normal' life ended.
At 12 o'clock you left work to have your lunch break and never returned!
So began an hour of what must have been torture for you because you had already expressed concern about being able to 'handle' your pay day. it would have been an hour of mixed emotions which built up to feelings of trepidation and absolute despair.
I wish I was there for you, Jake! The part that hurts the most in all this is the thought of those feelings which must have been coursing through you like a tsunami. The depth of that despair must have been so intense!!
I love you, Jake! I wish you didn't have to go through such travesty! xxx
And, on the 11th May, 2011 at 12 o'clock noon...your 'normal' life ended.
At 12 o'clock you left work to have your lunch break and never returned!
So began an hour of what must have been torture for you because you had already expressed concern about being able to 'handle' your pay day. it would have been an hour of mixed emotions which built up to feelings of trepidation and absolute despair.
I wish I was there for you, Jake! The part that hurts the most in all this is the thought of those feelings which must have been coursing through you like a tsunami. The depth of that despair must have been so intense!!
I love you, Jake! I wish you didn't have to go through such travesty! xxx
Thursday 24 May 2012
"UNUSUAL"
It is apparently very unusual for someone as young as you were to become addicted to gambling. But, you always talked of things in terms of money and seemed to want it all 'yesterday'. I guess that having a reasonably big win soon after you began working at the Gazette was what set you on the path to destruction. You probably saw it as a 'quick fix' and would have got sucked in before your subconscious even had time to say, "Don't do it!!!"
You wore an 'unusual' amount of hair product. Actually, your hair felt pretty gross!!!
You had an 'unusual' amount of 'best' friends!
You had an 'unusual' talent for being bloody good at everything you did!
You wore an 'unusual' amount of hair product. Actually, your hair felt pretty gross!!!
You had an 'unusual' amount of 'best' friends!
You had an 'unusual' talent for being bloody good at everything you did!
"SOMETHING NEW"
Our life is new!
We have had to adjust to a new life without you in it! A new house that feels like home instead of the old one that was just a constant reminder of a nightmare day! A new view of a large, sunny garden with lots of lovely colour, especially in Autumn. A new number to cook for each night. A new way of looking at who your friends were and what they must have meant to you! A new friendship which has developed between ourselves and Amber and Rick and Jo.
A new intolerance of people who whinge about the 'small' stuff. A new empathy for people suffering the loss of a loved one!
A whole new view of the world...sometimes viewed through the blur of tears...but always viewed together! xxx
We have had to adjust to a new life without you in it! A new house that feels like home instead of the old one that was just a constant reminder of a nightmare day! A new view of a large, sunny garden with lots of lovely colour, especially in Autumn. A new number to cook for each night. A new way of looking at who your friends were and what they must have meant to you! A new friendship which has developed between ourselves and Amber and Rick and Jo.
A new intolerance of people who whinge about the 'small' stuff. A new empathy for people suffering the loss of a loved one!
A whole new view of the world...sometimes viewed through the blur of tears...but always viewed together! xxx
Wednesday 23 May 2012
"TECHNOLOGY"
You were our technology whizz!!
Every now and then we curse you not being here to fix something on the computer or the TV. Actually, your sister has proven to be quite good in the technology department, too!
You were right into games such as 'World of Warcraft" and things like that and you could sometimes hack into different areas to use for your advantage.
Even your relations would sometimes call on you to fix their computer problems.
I've always been useless in that department and you would often roll your eyes at my 'stupidity' but you would always manage to spend a few seconds to fix what I had assumed would be a major problem.
You even helped me with my school concerts on several occasions by making the CD's with the music tracks on them. This would involve cutting out the bits I didn't want and adding bits in, etc.
Who will do that for me this year?
Every now and then we curse you not being here to fix something on the computer or the TV. Actually, your sister has proven to be quite good in the technology department, too!
You were right into games such as 'World of Warcraft" and things like that and you could sometimes hack into different areas to use for your advantage.
Even your relations would sometimes call on you to fix their computer problems.
I've always been useless in that department and you would often roll your eyes at my 'stupidity' but you would always manage to spend a few seconds to fix what I had assumed would be a major problem.
You even helped me with my school concerts on several occasions by making the CD's with the music tracks on them. This would involve cutting out the bits I didn't want and adding bits in, etc.
Who will do that for me this year?
Tuesday 22 May 2012
"PINK"
'Plonk the somersault dog' and his long lost cousin, 'Blonk the somersault dog' were pink all over and they were your favourite bedpals when you were about 3 or 4.
If they weren't ready for bed at the same time as you (or nowhere to be found) there was hell to pay! We would have to have the mad rush to find "Plonk" so that you would settle down for the night.
Apart from those two very special toys there was nothing else 'pink' in your life that I could think of. You weren't into wearing pink and I'm not sure if you were into listening to "Pink" so this blog is short and sweet!!! xxx
If they weren't ready for bed at the same time as you (or nowhere to be found) there was hell to pay! We would have to have the mad rush to find "Plonk" so that you would settle down for the night.
Apart from those two very special toys there was nothing else 'pink' in your life that I could think of. You weren't into wearing pink and I'm not sure if you were into listening to "Pink" so this blog is short and sweet!!! xxx
Monday 21 May 2012
"WHERE YOU STAND"
About 3 or 4 months before you died we had a family conversation about organ donors. We were sitting around the dinner table and, I don't even know what brought the conversation up, but you made it quite clear what your 'stand' on this topic was.
In fact, we all agreed that, should the time come, we would all be happy to donate our organs.
None of us realised that the time was nigh.
When Toby and Nick died we were asked if we would like them to be organ donors. We said no as we felt that they had not even had a chance to show the world who they were and we did not want their angelic little bodies defiled in their purity.
For you it was a no-brainer! You had made your stand and we were aware of your intentions. No-one is prepared for the phone call that asks for such an irrevocable decision at such a gut-wrenching time but at least the decision had initially been yours.
Your organs were unable to be used but you were able to donate tissue for research into clavicle damage. It seemed very fitting as you were always carrying sports injuries such as this.
This decision then meant that you were honored posthumously at a ceremony conducted at the National Forensics Institute in Melbourne. This is held annually to thank those who have donated their organs or tissue in the previous twelve months.
We knew where you stood...in a very honorable place! xxx
In fact, we all agreed that, should the time come, we would all be happy to donate our organs.
None of us realised that the time was nigh.
When Toby and Nick died we were asked if we would like them to be organ donors. We said no as we felt that they had not even had a chance to show the world who they were and we did not want their angelic little bodies defiled in their purity.
For you it was a no-brainer! You had made your stand and we were aware of your intentions. No-one is prepared for the phone call that asks for such an irrevocable decision at such a gut-wrenching time but at least the decision had initially been yours.
Your organs were unable to be used but you were able to donate tissue for research into clavicle damage. It seemed very fitting as you were always carrying sports injuries such as this.
This decision then meant that you were honored posthumously at a ceremony conducted at the National Forensics Institute in Melbourne. This is held annually to thank those who have donated their organs or tissue in the previous twelve months.
We knew where you stood...in a very honorable place! xxx
Sunday 20 May 2012
"SOMETHING YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT"
A bit of an oxymoron really, because you didn't live!! I suppose it means that you couldn't live without feeling successful at everything you did! You had achieved success all your life but you couldn't deal with the sense of failure that a gambling addiction brought to you.
You were so good at everything you did that your first major 'failure' was just too much for you! You would have got through it, you know! You had just begun to talk openly to us about it and we were working on it together. But, maybe being open about it also brought it to the forefront of your mind. Who knows?
When you were here with us you couldn't live without your warm doona at night. You couldn't live without sugar to satisfy that sweet-tooth you had! You couldn't live without love in all aspects of your life. You couldn't live without humour or music. You couldn't live without hair gel or summer.
You had all those things...I just wish you could have lived!! xxx
You were so good at everything you did that your first major 'failure' was just too much for you! You would have got through it, you know! You had just begun to talk openly to us about it and we were working on it together. But, maybe being open about it also brought it to the forefront of your mind. Who knows?
When you were here with us you couldn't live without your warm doona at night. You couldn't live without sugar to satisfy that sweet-tooth you had! You couldn't live without love in all aspects of your life. You couldn't live without humour or music. You couldn't live without hair gel or summer.
You had all those things...I just wish you could have lived!! xxx
Saturday 19 May 2012
"A FAVOURITE PLACE"
Your most favourite place in the world was probably anywhere your mates happened to be!
But, I know you loved your bed...once you hit about 13 or 14! Before that you never slept!
You loved visiting Amber and spent many, many happy hours in her company and in the company of her family.
You loved staying with Jimi, Andy, Jaydan and Mosto at "383" in Box Hill and would eagerly head off to the city for your two weeks of trade school and two weeks of being with your mates. Actually, that is a bit of a lie, as it wasn't really the place you loved...it was the mates!!! You always came back complaining of the lack of heating and home comforts at "383". I think two weeks was long enough!
In the 12 months or so before you died you developed a love of nature and the bush. You would throw in a line in little creeks and rivers on your drives into nature. If you didn't have much time you would head out to the little bridge near Glen Cromie and just sit near the water. I don't think the aim was really to catch a fish...that was just a bonus if you did!
I think it was the calmness and serenity you craved!
I hope you have that now...calmness and serenity! <3
But, I know you loved your bed...once you hit about 13 or 14! Before that you never slept!
You loved visiting Amber and spent many, many happy hours in her company and in the company of her family.
You loved staying with Jimi, Andy, Jaydan and Mosto at "383" in Box Hill and would eagerly head off to the city for your two weeks of trade school and two weeks of being with your mates. Actually, that is a bit of a lie, as it wasn't really the place you loved...it was the mates!!! You always came back complaining of the lack of heating and home comforts at "383". I think two weeks was long enough!
In the 12 months or so before you died you developed a love of nature and the bush. You would throw in a line in little creeks and rivers on your drives into nature. If you didn't have much time you would head out to the little bridge near Glen Cromie and just sit near the water. I don't think the aim was really to catch a fish...that was just a bonus if you did!
I think it was the calmness and serenity you craved!
I hope you have that now...calmness and serenity! <3
Friday 18 May 2012
"SOMETHING YOU MADE"
I have a little footstool that you made in your early woodwork classes at school. Sian made one too so it must have been a standard woodwork 'thing'. I keep it in my walk-in robe and use it all the time!
You made a bar with your mates in woodwork class, too! I think it was you, Frank, Brad and Rhys who made it! It was the world's heaviest bar and it was made with a timber frame, timber bench tops and corrugated iron panels on the front! It wasn't exactly designer material...sorry boys!!! But we were the lucky ones who scored it when it was complete.
The only good thing I can say about it now is that it was at the centre of many happy times for you in "your shed". It housed some boxes of wine and a stereo and you 'owned' it!!
Rhys has it now! I hope he is 'owning' it and having as much fun as you did!!
You made a bar with your mates in woodwork class, too! I think it was you, Frank, Brad and Rhys who made it! It was the world's heaviest bar and it was made with a timber frame, timber bench tops and corrugated iron panels on the front! It wasn't exactly designer material...sorry boys!!! But we were the lucky ones who scored it when it was complete.
The only good thing I can say about it now is that it was at the centre of many happy times for you in "your shed". It housed some boxes of wine and a stereo and you 'owned' it!!
Thursday 17 May 2012
"SNACK"
You were "The Snack King"!!
You just seemed to graze all day long! You would have empty chip packets, chocolate wrappers, apple cores, pizza crusts, toast crumbs, biscuit crumbs and popcorn bowls lying around your computer desk for ages.
When you were a bit younger and we all shared the computer, we had a strict rule about no food near the computer. You took no notice of that rule and we eventually gave up!! (We didn't often do that!)
In our house at Baw Baw Drive, we had a teenage retreat. We once took a photo of the snack food remnants you had lying around on the floor of that room, because we had asked you and asked you and asked you to pick it up. So, I took a photo of all the rubbish, labelled it "Day 1" and put it on the wall. Each day, for the next four days, I did the same and added the photos to the wall. Of course, the snack food wrappers accumulated each day!
Finally, you noticed the photos and were shamed into cleaning it all up! I was really surprised that it took you that long to notice the pics (not that it took you that long to clean it up!!) but I guess the photos on the wall were not high priority for you!!
Your priority at the time was SNACKS!!!!
You just seemed to graze all day long! You would have empty chip packets, chocolate wrappers, apple cores, pizza crusts, toast crumbs, biscuit crumbs and popcorn bowls lying around your computer desk for ages.
When you were a bit younger and we all shared the computer, we had a strict rule about no food near the computer. You took no notice of that rule and we eventually gave up!! (We didn't often do that!)
In our house at Baw Baw Drive, we had a teenage retreat. We once took a photo of the snack food remnants you had lying around on the floor of that room, because we had asked you and asked you and asked you to pick it up. So, I took a photo of all the rubbish, labelled it "Day 1" and put it on the wall. Each day, for the next four days, I did the same and added the photos to the wall. Of course, the snack food wrappers accumulated each day!
Finally, you noticed the photos and were shamed into cleaning it all up! I was really surprised that it took you that long to notice the pics (not that it took you that long to clean it up!!) but I guess the photos on the wall were not high priority for you!!
Your priority at the time was SNACKS!!!!
Wednesday 16 May 2012
"WHAT YOU'RE READING"
You weren't an avid reader in your teenage years but you loved reading when you were a bit younger and you were very good at it. You would read anything but you went through stages.
Of course, as a toddler you really enjoyed "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and knew it off by heart!
In about Grade 3 or 4 you went through the "Goosebumps" series. and you absolutely LOVED the "Deltora Quest" books.
Then you would read anything to do with war...particularly if it was realistic fiction. You loved "Soldier Boy" and another book about a 13 year old French boy who faked his age to go to war. You chose to do a "Book Bag" book report on that one in Year 7. You put pretend bullet holes in a toy army helmet and then you had to put three or four significant items in the helmet to talk about. I think you made a false birth notice and you put in a Bakery advertisement because the boy's parents were bakers. It was great!
You read all the Harry Potter books and then the "Tomorrow when the War Began" series.
And that's probably where it stopped.
The day before you died you asked me to buy you a book by Dr Wayne Dyer called "Your Sacred Self". Your counsellor had recommended it. It arrived about 10 days after you died and, after flicking through it, I doubt whether you would have ever read it! It was way too spiritual for you! But...who knows?
I donated it to your counsellor for someone else's use!!
Of course, as a toddler you really enjoyed "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and knew it off by heart!
In about Grade 3 or 4 you went through the "Goosebumps" series. and you absolutely LOVED the "Deltora Quest" books.
Then you would read anything to do with war...particularly if it was realistic fiction. You loved "Soldier Boy" and another book about a 13 year old French boy who faked his age to go to war. You chose to do a "Book Bag" book report on that one in Year 7. You put pretend bullet holes in a toy army helmet and then you had to put three or four significant items in the helmet to talk about. I think you made a false birth notice and you put in a Bakery advertisement because the boy's parents were bakers. It was great!
You read all the Harry Potter books and then the "Tomorrow when the War Began" series.
And that's probably where it stopped.
The day before you died you asked me to buy you a book by Dr Wayne Dyer called "Your Sacred Self". Your counsellor had recommended it. It arrived about 10 days after you died and, after flicking through it, I doubt whether you would have ever read it! It was way too spiritual for you! But...who knows?
I donated it to your counsellor for someone else's use!!
Tuesday 15 May 2012
"LOVE"
I love you Jake!!
I love the memories you have left me. Like your beautiful smile, your unruly hairstyle, your incredible height and slenderness and your heart of gold.
I love that you have so many people who love you and remember you for your sense of humour and your mateship.
I love seeing the rainbows and stars that are now my sign that you are with us! I love knowing that you are watching over us all and making sure that your sister is ok.
I love the little things that remind me of you such as watching Peter Bailey zoom towards us on a shopping trolley and remembering you doing just the same thing...when you were his height!
I love the warm feeling in my heart when I think of you!
I love you!
I love the memories you have left me. Like your beautiful smile, your unruly hairstyle, your incredible height and slenderness and your heart of gold.
I love that you have so many people who love you and remember you for your sense of humour and your mateship.
I love seeing the rainbows and stars that are now my sign that you are with us! I love knowing that you are watching over us all and making sure that your sister is ok.
I love the little things that remind me of you such as watching Peter Bailey zoom towards us on a shopping trolley and remembering you doing just the same thing...when you were his height!
I love the warm feeling in my heart when I think of you!
I love you!
Monday 14 May 2012
"GRASS"
I hope that reading this blog is not 'like watching grass grow'! It is a rather boring topic!
When you were about 9 or 10 you would use the thick grass in our backyard as your own personal football ground. You were the only player but you would always be two 'teams'. We were always highly amused as you would give a running commentary of the game between Richmond and the opposition as you went. You would kick the ball as Richo and either mark it yourself as Campbell or mark it yourself as an opposition player, usually Vandenberg from Hawthorn. (You just liked his name because it started with 'Van" like yours) Years later the Van Berlo brothers were playing but not early enough for your epic backyard matches.
Of course, in those games, you were always "Best on Ground" and Richmond always won!!! If only!!
Grass stains were just an everyday occurrence in those days,,,both at home and at school.
Funny how you didn't seem to get injured in those games against yourself like you did in every other team game you played!!!
Perhaps it was the soft grass!
When you were about 9 or 10 you would use the thick grass in our backyard as your own personal football ground. You were the only player but you would always be two 'teams'. We were always highly amused as you would give a running commentary of the game between Richmond and the opposition as you went. You would kick the ball as Richo and either mark it yourself as Campbell or mark it yourself as an opposition player, usually Vandenberg from Hawthorn. (You just liked his name because it started with 'Van" like yours) Years later the Van Berlo brothers were playing but not early enough for your epic backyard matches.
Of course, in those games, you were always "Best on Ground" and Richmond always won!!! If only!!
Grass stains were just an everyday occurrence in those days,,,both at home and at school.
Funny how you didn't seem to get injured in those games against yourself like you did in every other team game you played!!!
Perhaps it was the soft grass!
Saturday 12 May 2012
"MUM"
I'm your Mum! and very proud to be able to say that to the world!!
In some ways I think I am the luckiest Mum in the world!!! I have produced four very beautiful children who each invoked such strong feelings of love and an overwhelming sense of..."This is what I was born to do!"
After your brothers, Toby and Nick were born I was semi-conscious and in the recovery room following a general anaesthetic when I learned that our little Nicholas had been stillborn. I remember just feeling absolute despair... and shock because I knew that when we had come into the hospital that morning we were feeling very excited about finally becoming parents after 8 and a 1/2 months of pregnancy. I also learned that Toby was still alive but had been taken to intensive care as he too was not expected to live. He lived through the night and died in my arms very early the following morning.
They were identical twins and no explanation could be found for their deaths as they were perfect-looking and very good weights. Now I know that they had a job to do. They had to pave the way for you to join them many years later!!
Two days before what would have been Toby and Nick's first birthday our beautiful Sian was born!! She was, and still is, absolutely gorgeous! She was obviously put on this Earth to make our lives the best they could possibly be!!!
You were my baby and such a joy and a bugger all at the same time! After having Sian who slept through the night from day one, I was completely taken aback by this bundle of joy WHO NEVER SLEPT!!!!
But I would do it all again Jake!! I'm your Mum and being a Mum is my favourite job!
Thank you and your brothers and your sister for making me very proud!
In some ways I think I am the luckiest Mum in the world!!! I have produced four very beautiful children who each invoked such strong feelings of love and an overwhelming sense of..."This is what I was born to do!"
After your brothers, Toby and Nick were born I was semi-conscious and in the recovery room following a general anaesthetic when I learned that our little Nicholas had been stillborn. I remember just feeling absolute despair... and shock because I knew that when we had come into the hospital that morning we were feeling very excited about finally becoming parents after 8 and a 1/2 months of pregnancy. I also learned that Toby was still alive but had been taken to intensive care as he too was not expected to live. He lived through the night and died in my arms very early the following morning.
They were identical twins and no explanation could be found for their deaths as they were perfect-looking and very good weights. Now I know that they had a job to do. They had to pave the way for you to join them many years later!!
Two days before what would have been Toby and Nick's first birthday our beautiful Sian was born!! She was, and still is, absolutely gorgeous! She was obviously put on this Earth to make our lives the best they could possibly be!!!
You were my baby and such a joy and a bugger all at the same time! After having Sian who slept through the night from day one, I was completely taken aback by this bundle of joy WHO NEVER SLEPT!!!!
But I would do it all again Jake!! I'm your Mum and being a Mum is my favourite job!
Thank you and your brothers and your sister for making me very proud!
"SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY"
I think you mostly made yourself happy because you usually didn't do anything unless it made you feel good.
You were happiest when you were partying or socialising with your mates.
You were happy when you were with Amber.
You were happy eating junk food or omelettes or 'Wattle Stump' or roasts.
Happiness was a sleep-in. It was getting home from a party at 5 or 6 in the morning and sleeping until 'whenever' the next day.
It was jamming with your Dad on the guitars or fine-tuning a number on the keyboard.
It was turning the TV to Channel One to watch any sport that happened to be on at the time...even if it was lawn bowls!
It was creating the coloured banners from scratch in the 'Gazette' and taking pride in showing us that they were yours.
It made you happy to drive...anywhere...as long as you were behind the wheel.
It made you happy to sit beside a river or a creek for a spot of fishing or to throw a few 'yonnies'.
It made you happy to outwit us with your sense of humour.
It made you happy to be part of a family where you knew and felt love!
I hope you are happy wherever you are now! xxx
You were happiest when you were partying or socialising with your mates.
You were happy when you were with Amber.
You were happy eating junk food or omelettes or 'Wattle Stump' or roasts.
Happiness was a sleep-in. It was getting home from a party at 5 or 6 in the morning and sleeping until 'whenever' the next day.
It was jamming with your Dad on the guitars or fine-tuning a number on the keyboard.
It was turning the TV to Channel One to watch any sport that happened to be on at the time...even if it was lawn bowls!
It was creating the coloured banners from scratch in the 'Gazette' and taking pride in showing us that they were yours.
It made you happy to drive...anywhere...as long as you were behind the wheel.
It made you happy to sit beside a river or a creek for a spot of fishing or to throw a few 'yonnies'.
It made you happy to outwit us with your sense of humour.
It made you happy to be part of a family where you knew and felt love!
I hope you are happy wherever you are now! xxx
Friday 11 May 2012
"KITCHEN"
I need to thank Beck for this one! She reminded me of why the kitchen has meaning as far as memories and you are concerned.
Once upon a time you would do the usual childhood/boy trick of standing at the pantry in the kitchen with the doors wide open just staring at the shelves. Then you would close the doors and return to your position in front of the TV. After about five minutes you would be back at the pantry looking feverishly... for junk food.
There was rarely any there because you had usually eaten it already!
Now the kitchen is a place where fridges have photos of you on them, drawers hold Richmond mugs which once belonged to you, oven trays hold memories of cookies which never made it past the dough stage and pantry doors stay closed a little more often.
Today marks a year since you left us.
It's been a day of tears and laughter and memories...some of them will always be 'in the kitchen'.
Once upon a time you would do the usual childhood/boy trick of standing at the pantry in the kitchen with the doors wide open just staring at the shelves. Then you would close the doors and return to your position in front of the TV. After about five minutes you would be back at the pantry looking feverishly... for junk food.
There was rarely any there because you had usually eaten it already!
Now the kitchen is a place where fridges have photos of you on them, drawers hold Richmond mugs which once belonged to you, oven trays hold memories of cookies which never made it past the dough stage and pantry doors stay closed a little more often.
Today marks a year since you left us.
It's been a day of tears and laughter and memories...some of them will always be 'in the kitchen'.
Thursday 10 May 2012
"A FAVOURITE WORD"
"Seven!"
That was your answer to every question! It very rarely made sense but I suppose it meant that you hadn't totally ignored the question....you just couldn't be bothered thinking of an answer!
Or, maybe you figured that sometimes it would be right! A bit like your Aunty Trish when she used to play Trivial Pursuit....her theory was that if you answered 'Elvis Presley" to every question you were bound to get at least ONE question correct!
Your Dad recently bought me a white Teddy bear to replace the one that 'disappeared' in one of your clean-outs. It's name is "Seven"
xxx
Today marks one year since I last spoke to you and cuddled you! It feels like 'seven' lifetimes!!
That was your answer to every question! It very rarely made sense but I suppose it meant that you hadn't totally ignored the question....you just couldn't be bothered thinking of an answer!
Or, maybe you figured that sometimes it would be right! A bit like your Aunty Trish when she used to play Trivial Pursuit....her theory was that if you answered 'Elvis Presley" to every question you were bound to get at least ONE question correct!
Your Dad recently bought me a white Teddy bear to replace the one that 'disappeared' in one of your clean-outs. It's name is "Seven"
xxx
Today marks one year since I last spoke to you and cuddled you! It feels like 'seven' lifetimes!!
Wednesday 9 May 2012
"SOMETHING YOU DO EVERY DAY"
You gave me a hug every day!!
Well, that's not quite true because you weren't home every day, but if you were at home at the same time as I was, then you would give me a 'tall cuddle'.
Sometimes the look on your face said, "OH, I suppose I'd better give her that cuddle before I go!" as if it were a chore that had to be done rather than an act that gave your Mum real pleasure. But, you still did it...and I still loved it!!
Sometimes, you gave me the cuddle because you wanted something! You could charm your way into or out of anything!!!
You would spontaneously give cuddles in times of need! That's how I knew that you would have turned out to be a 'good bloke". I was proud of that!!
Your mates are great, Jake! They give me a hug when they see me and some, like your cousin Tim, can actually give a 'tall hug'. It brings back nice memories but they will never be you!
I only came up to about your shoulder when you cuddled me but it felt good to be hugged by someone with such broad shoulders and by someone who really put everything into a hug.
I miss that! xxx
Well, that's not quite true because you weren't home every day, but if you were at home at the same time as I was, then you would give me a 'tall cuddle'.
Sometimes the look on your face said, "OH, I suppose I'd better give her that cuddle before I go!" as if it were a chore that had to be done rather than an act that gave your Mum real pleasure. But, you still did it...and I still loved it!!
Sometimes, you gave me the cuddle because you wanted something! You could charm your way into or out of anything!!!
You would spontaneously give cuddles in times of need! That's how I knew that you would have turned out to be a 'good bloke". I was proud of that!!
Your mates are great, Jake! They give me a hug when they see me and some, like your cousin Tim, can actually give a 'tall hug'. It brings back nice memories but they will never be you!
I only came up to about your shoulder when you cuddled me but it felt good to be hugged by someone with such broad shoulders and by someone who really put everything into a hug.
I miss that! xxx
Tuesday 8 May 2012
"A SMELL YOU ADORE"
I don't actually know the answer to this one!
I guess you loved the smell of cooking, especially if cookie dough was involved.
You were quite fussy about the spray-on deodorant you used as the smell had to be woody rather than 'citrusy' or floral.
I think you must have gone through a stage where body odour was not so much adored as just not an issue. I remember you, Jaydan and Joe being in the car after many of your basketball games and Sian complaining about how gross you all smelled. You would tell her in no uncertain terms that it was natural and ok!!
It would often take a few days before the smell disappeared completely from the car!!
I guess you loved the smell of cooking, especially if cookie dough was involved.
You were quite fussy about the spray-on deodorant you used as the smell had to be woody rather than 'citrusy' or floral.
I think you must have gone through a stage where body odour was not so much adored as just not an issue. I remember you, Jaydan and Joe being in the car after many of your basketball games and Sian complaining about how gross you all smelled. You would tell her in no uncertain terms that it was natural and ok!!
It would often take a few days before the smell disappeared completely from the car!!
Monday 7 May 2012
"SOMEONE THAT INSPIRES YOU"
Besides your Dad, I think the person who inspired you the most in the months before you passed was Rick, Amber's dad.
You would come home raving about the lengthy conversations you had had with him, mostly about marketing and small business ideas.
You were filled with enthusiasm for things you could do with just a little more knowledge and understanding. You admired his work ethics and his own enthusiasm for self-learning and business acumen.
You seemed to hit it off with him on both an intellectual level and a personal level. You could share a joke with him and trade opinions on all things computer, business or Amber related.
You aspired to many aspects of his life-style and understood the need to work for greater gain.
He was an inspiration to you and, as such, made your short life just that much better!!
Thanks Rick!
You would come home raving about the lengthy conversations you had had with him, mostly about marketing and small business ideas.
You were filled with enthusiasm for things you could do with just a little more knowledge and understanding. You admired his work ethics and his own enthusiasm for self-learning and business acumen.
You seemed to hit it off with him on both an intellectual level and a personal level. You could share a joke with him and trade opinions on all things computer, business or Amber related.
You aspired to many aspects of his life-style and understood the need to work for greater gain.
He was an inspiration to you and, as such, made your short life just that much better!!
Thanks Rick!
"SOMEONE THAT INSPIRES YOU"
Besides your Dad, I think the person who inspired you the most in the months before you passed was Rick, Amber's dad.
You would come home raving about the lengthy conversations you had had with him, mostly about marketing and small business ideas.
You were filled with enthusiasm for things you could do with just a little more knowledge and understanding. You admired his work ethics and his own enthusiasm for self-learning and business acumen.
You seemed to hit it off with him on both an intellectual level and a personal level. You could share a joke with him and trade opinions on all things computer, business or Amber related.
You aspired to many aspects of his life-style and understood the need to work for greater gain.
He was an inspiration to you and, as such, made your short life just that much better!!
Thanks Rick!
You would come home raving about the lengthy conversations you had had with him, mostly about marketing and small business ideas.
You were filled with enthusiasm for things you could do with just a little more knowledge and understanding. You admired his work ethics and his own enthusiasm for self-learning and business acumen.
You seemed to hit it off with him on both an intellectual level and a personal level. You could share a joke with him and trade opinions on all things computer, business or Amber related.
You aspired to many aspects of his life-style and understood the need to work for greater gain.
He was an inspiration to you and, as such, made your short life just that much better!!
Thanks Rick!
Sunday 6 May 2012
"YOU"
I could probably write all day!
You were born by caesarean section on August 12th, 1991 at Frances Perry House in Carlton. You weighed just over 8lb and you had a little tuft of red hair that stuck up on the top of your head.
You were always an easy-going child who just laughed and played your way through life.
You asked a million questions but only after you had thought about your subject very carefully first, so your questions were always quite relevant and profound.
You were good at anything you put your mind to and everything came very easily to you. You played basketball and ten-pin bowling. You were in the gifted cluster right throughout your primary years and always had a lot of friends.
By the time you reached your teenage years you had very definite ideas about things and you were fiercely independent (unless it suited you not to be!!) Your mates became the centre of your world and you spent your weekends socialising.
Whenever you lost your heart to a girl you would fall hook, line and sinker but had many girl friends as well.
You would argue with us over chores or your social life but if any of us were hurt or upset you were a mainstay and your shoulder would prove a good cushion.
You are my son and I love you forever! xxx
You were born by caesarean section on August 12th, 1991 at Frances Perry House in Carlton. You weighed just over 8lb and you had a little tuft of red hair that stuck up on the top of your head.
You were always an easy-going child who just laughed and played your way through life.
You asked a million questions but only after you had thought about your subject very carefully first, so your questions were always quite relevant and profound.
You were good at anything you put your mind to and everything came very easily to you. You played basketball and ten-pin bowling. You were in the gifted cluster right throughout your primary years and always had a lot of friends.
By the time you reached your teenage years you had very definite ideas about things and you were fiercely independent (unless it suited you not to be!!) Your mates became the centre of your world and you spent your weekends socialising.
Whenever you lost your heart to a girl you would fall hook, line and sinker but had many girl friends as well.
You would argue with us over chores or your social life but if any of us were hurt or upset you were a mainstay and your shoulder would prove a good cushion.
You are my son and I love you forever! xxx
Saturday 5 May 2012
"BIRD"
When you were about three of four Kerryn, Dad and I took you, Sian, Jaymee and Ashlee to Myuna Farm in Dandenong (sounds a bit silly when we live in dairy farming country, doesn't it?).
We wandered along the fence line of each of the paddocks, saying hello to cows and bulls, donkeys, horses, sheep and turkey.
Then, we came to a paddock where 4 ostriches were lined up along the fence just waiting to receive their personal greetings from 4 enthusiastic children. You crouched down to get a better look through the wire and, as you did, the 'bird' closest to you did the same. So, the girls followed suit.
And, so began a good ten minutes of fun and frivolity!
In unison all of you children would bob up and down and the ostriches would copy you, also in unison! You all had us in stitches!!
If only we had a video camera or Smart phones (which weren't even invented back then!) I think it would have won a "Funniest Home Video" award!
We wandered along the fence line of each of the paddocks, saying hello to cows and bulls, donkeys, horses, sheep and turkey.
Then, we came to a paddock where 4 ostriches were lined up along the fence just waiting to receive their personal greetings from 4 enthusiastic children. You crouched down to get a better look through the wire and, as you did, the 'bird' closest to you did the same. So, the girls followed suit.
And, so began a good ten minutes of fun and frivolity!
In unison all of you children would bob up and down and the ostriches would copy you, also in unison! You all had us in stitches!!
If only we had a video camera or Smart phones (which weren't even invented back then!) I think it would have won a "Funniest Home Video" award!
Friday 4 May 2012
"FUN!"
Like all of us, your idea of 'fun' was relative to your age.
As a little boy you would have hours of endless fun with your large collection of toy dinosaurs. You knew all their proper names and what they ate and how big they grew and asked a multitude of questions about them. (We even had you convinced that the black-wrapped round haybales dotted in the paddocks were dinosaur poo!)
You thought it was great fun to accompany your dad as he followed the steam train down the highway to the rail crossing several kilometres away.
As a primary school child you loved your basketball games on Friday nights and your ten-pin bowling on Saturday mornings.
Then, the fun changed in secondary school.
Your mates became your main source of 'fun'. You loved spending time with them and would spend a lot of your spare time at mates' houses. Your idea of 'fun' was drinking, socialising, girls, poker nights, music, jamming and generally just living life to the full!!
You were the epitome of 'fun'!
So glad you enjoyed it!!
As a little boy you would have hours of endless fun with your large collection of toy dinosaurs. You knew all their proper names and what they ate and how big they grew and asked a multitude of questions about them. (We even had you convinced that the black-wrapped round haybales dotted in the paddocks were dinosaur poo!)
You thought it was great fun to accompany your dad as he followed the steam train down the highway to the rail crossing several kilometres away.
As a primary school child you loved your basketball games on Friday nights and your ten-pin bowling on Saturday mornings.
Then, the fun changed in secondary school.
Your mates became your main source of 'fun'. You loved spending time with them and would spend a lot of your spare time at mates' houses. Your idea of 'fun' was drinking, socialising, girls, poker nights, music, jamming and generally just living life to the full!!
You were the epitome of 'fun'!
So glad you enjoyed it!!
Thursday 3 May 2012
"SOMETHING YOU WORE TODAY"
I can't talk about what you wore today so I'll talk about what you wore every day.
You were tall and skinny with very broad shoulders. You loved skinny jeans, good quality brand-name t-shirts (very fussy in this area), your black leather jacket or a sheepskin-lined hoodie and 'greek granny slippers' for shoes, in either black or white.
You wore a lovely 'surfie-style' watch on your wrist which Amber had given you for Christmas. I think it was a JAG.
You refused to wear hats from a very young age (even though they were compulsory in summer months at school) as they might mess up your hair!
You often wore those rubber wrist bands which usually bore a message of some sort.
You wore a beautiful smile!
You were tall and skinny with very broad shoulders. You loved skinny jeans, good quality brand-name t-shirts (very fussy in this area), your black leather jacket or a sheepskin-lined hoodie and 'greek granny slippers' for shoes, in either black or white.
You wore a lovely 'surfie-style' watch on your wrist which Amber had given you for Christmas. I think it was a JAG.
You refused to wear hats from a very young age (even though they were compulsory in summer months at school) as they might mess up your hair!
You often wore those rubber wrist bands which usually bore a message of some sort.
You wore a beautiful smile!
Wednesday 2 May 2012
"SKYLINE"
As we drove down the highway a few weeks ago, three very bright rays of sunlight escaped the grey rain clouds and headed towards the distant skyline. One was brighter than the others and was flanked on each side by it's less brighter counterparts.
The warmth of those rays radiated quietly within my heart as I 'felt' my three boys accompanying me on our travels. I smiled.
It may sound dramatic or even foolish but I really do have those feelings at times of light and beauty, especially in the natural world.
Jake loved nature. He wasn't overly vocal about it but he would take himself to places off the beaten track just because of their beauty. He would comment on nature's ability to resurrect itself after a bushfire or he would despair at the devastation caused by same.
I loved that skyline and what it represented to me that day!
The warmth of those rays radiated quietly within my heart as I 'felt' my three boys accompanying me on our travels. I smiled.
It may sound dramatic or even foolish but I really do have those feelings at times of light and beauty, especially in the natural world.
Jake loved nature. He wasn't overly vocal about it but he would take himself to places off the beaten track just because of their beauty. He would comment on nature's ability to resurrect itself after a bushfire or he would despair at the devastation caused by same.
I loved that skyline and what it represented to me that day!
Tuesday 1 May 2012
"PEACE"
Sometimes, at 1 or 2 o' clock in the morning, I would wish for 'peace' and quiet as you and your mates refused to shut up out there in the shed!! Now, I would give anything to have you making a noise and having fun and arguing with us about the 'unfairness' of sending your mates home!! (Not that they listened, anyway!)
Sometimes, when you were little, you would wish for 'peace' as Sian and I had the usual 'before school' battle over hair!
Now, we wish you peace in your final resting place.
Rest in Peace, my beautiful boy! xxx
Sometimes, when you were little, you would wish for 'peace' as Sian and I had the usual 'before school' battle over hair!
Now, we wish you peace in your final resting place.
Rest in Peace, my beautiful boy! xxx
Monday 30 April 2012
"SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU SAD"
You didn't like to see people close to you being upset.
I remember you in relationships in your early teens where things just weren't working out. You would agonize over what to do without hurting the other person involved. Your head and your heart always seemed to be at loggerheads.
It would make you sad to see how upset your many friends and family members have been this past twelve months. I know that there is no way you would have left us in the way you did if your mind had been in the right place on that fateful day because you would not have wanted any of us to be feeling the hurt and the aching sadness that has enveloped us all. You cared too much for those around you to have wanted us to be sad.
Wherever you are now, don't be sad! We are all ok! Of course, there is a sadness that comes with missing you, but our lives are good in so many other ways.
Hold on to the happy times xxx
I remember you in relationships in your early teens where things just weren't working out. You would agonize over what to do without hurting the other person involved. Your head and your heart always seemed to be at loggerheads.
It would make you sad to see how upset your many friends and family members have been this past twelve months. I know that there is no way you would have left us in the way you did if your mind had been in the right place on that fateful day because you would not have wanted any of us to be feeling the hurt and the aching sadness that has enveloped us all. You cared too much for those around you to have wanted us to be sad.
Wherever you are now, don't be sad! We are all ok! Of course, there is a sadness that comes with missing you, but our lives are good in so many other ways.
Hold on to the happy times xxx
Sunday 29 April 2012
"CIRCLE"
Wow! What an amazing 'circle' of friends you have!
We joined then in celebrating Frank's 21st last night and every single one of them welcomed us and spent time chatting to us about the fun times they had had with you.
It could quite well have been really upsetting for us to attend a party meant for you to attend. Instead we came away reassured that we had made the right decision to be there in your place.
Frank and Vicky welcomed us with hugs and kisses.
Aaron, Walshy, Brad, Fozzie, Andy, Johnno, Bill and Rhys made time to chat with us.
We met Karla who we had heard a lot about, especially in your early years at Marist Sion.
Michelle and Blair were introduced to us.
Cameron, Nathan and Hughsey said hello.
We felt like we were a little part of your 'circle'.
Thanks to all your amazing mates!! xx
We joined then in celebrating Frank's 21st last night and every single one of them welcomed us and spent time chatting to us about the fun times they had had with you.
It could quite well have been really upsetting for us to attend a party meant for you to attend. Instead we came away reassured that we had made the right decision to be there in your place.
Frank and Vicky welcomed us with hugs and kisses.
Aaron, Walshy, Brad, Fozzie, Andy, Johnno, Bill and Rhys made time to chat with us.
We met Karla who we had heard a lot about, especially in your early years at Marist Sion.
Michelle and Blair were introduced to us.
Cameron, Nathan and Hughsey said hello.
We felt like we were a little part of your 'circle'.
Thanks to all your amazing mates!! xx
Saturday 28 April 2012
"1PM"
It's 1pm. Your lunch hour has just ended. You would be just getting in your car to head back to work. It didn't matter that your break ended at 1pm and that it would take 3 or 4 minutes to get back to work...your bosses were so good to you that being 3 or 4 minutes late was unimportant.
But, on the day you died, your lunch hour still ended at 1pm.
Once again you got into your car but, instead of heading back to work, you headed home.
A momentary decision that changed our lives and the lives of all who knew you...forever!
But, on the day you died, your lunch hour still ended at 1pm.
Once again you got into your car but, instead of heading back to work, you headed home.
A momentary decision that changed our lives and the lives of all who knew you...forever!
Friday 27 April 2012
"SOMEWHERE YOU WENT"
Where did you go? And, why did you go away without telling us?
All we know is that you are no longer here with us. I hope that you have gone to a better place. A place where money doesn't matter and all is happy and content.
A place of contentment for you would have to have friends to have a good time with, and people everywhere who love you...just like here! It would have to have places to drive to and scenery to admire. Of course, it would have to have a comfortable bed and sweet foods.
I hope that describes the place you have gone to because that's the sort of place you liked when you were here with us.
The funny part is, these places CAN be found where money doesn't matter! You silly bugger!
All we know is that you are no longer here with us. I hope that you have gone to a better place. A place where money doesn't matter and all is happy and content.
A place of contentment for you would have to have friends to have a good time with, and people everywhere who love you...just like here! It would have to have places to drive to and scenery to admire. Of course, it would have to have a comfortable bed and sweet foods.
I hope that describes the place you have gone to because that's the sort of place you liked when you were here with us.
The funny part is, these places CAN be found where money doesn't matter! You silly bugger!
Thursday 26 April 2012
"BLACK & WHITE"
Well your shoes were always either black or white. Mostly they were of the 'greek granny' style and made of either black or white canvas or, occasionally black and white canvas.
You were the T-shirt king! You loved t-shirts and would always ask for t-shirts for birthdays and Christmas or you would buy your own any time you had spare cash. BUT, for some reason you would nearly always buy white t-shirts or the occasional black t-shirt. You had gorgeous tanned skin which would look great in any colour but, no...white it was!!
You were the T-shirt king! You loved t-shirts and would always ask for t-shirts for birthdays and Christmas or you would buy your own any time you had spare cash. BUT, for some reason you would nearly always buy white t-shirts or the occasional black t-shirt. You had gorgeous tanned skin which would look great in any colour but, no...white it was!!
Wednesday 25 April 2012
"LOOKING DOWN"
There is a Heaven. I know it!
I know it because sometimes I can 'feel' you looking down on us.
You're happy all the time now, instead of just 'most of the time'.
A little part of me feels reassured that you are content and without worry. But, a bigger part of me just feels an emptiness and a loss beyond belief.
Of course, when you were here with us you were always 'looking down' on most people because of your height.
Now, you 'look down' on all who knew you and watch as our lives have to continue without you. I think that's the part that hurts the most in all this...it feels like the world should have stopped when you did, but it didn't!
You watch as we work and play and laugh and cry and a part of you must be missing all those good times as much as we are missing you! xxx
I know it because sometimes I can 'feel' you looking down on us.
You're happy all the time now, instead of just 'most of the time'.
A little part of me feels reassured that you are content and without worry. But, a bigger part of me just feels an emptiness and a loss beyond belief.
Of course, when you were here with us you were always 'looking down' on most people because of your height.
Now, you 'look down' on all who knew you and watch as our lives have to continue without you. I think that's the part that hurts the most in all this...it feels like the world should have stopped when you did, but it didn't!
You watch as we work and play and laugh and cry and a part of you must be missing all those good times as much as we are missing you! xxx
Tuesday 24 April 2012
"SOMETHING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR"
You had many things to be grateful for.
- You have a family who will love you 'til the end of time.
- You had a very good relationship with both your Dad and I. You could enjoy a good laugh with us and could talk to us about anything and everything. You loved to sit and jam with your Dad and the guitars and shared a sense-of-humour with similarities to mine (although mine is not as warped as yours was!)
- You had the best mates in the world. I might not have always appreciated them but they have shown their true natures with their care of each other and their visits with us in the months since you've been gone.
- You had a girlfriend who adored you and a great relationship with both her and her family.
- You were very good-looking (I may be a bit biased here) but you were definitely easy on the eye!
- You were very good at any sport you tried.
- You were very clever.
- You had a great job.
- You had a life full of family Christmases, birthday get-togethers, road trips and an extended family full of fun.
- You had many, many cousins.
- You always lived in comfortable surroundings.
- You drove a good car.
Sunday 22 April 2012
"VEGETABLE"
I think your favourite vegetable was probably potatoes because you loved them roasted, mashed, cooked on the BBQ or in your favourite "Wattle Stump".
Your least favourite was zucchini and I think they are the only food you didn't eat.
You loved your vegies and would often ask for 'a vegie hit'.
Even as a little baby you loved to eat mashed vegies. I rarely resorted to tinned food but, instead, would cook and mash different vegetables for you. You loved it!!
Your least favourite was zucchini and I think they are the only food you didn't eat.
You loved your vegies and would often ask for 'a vegie hit'.
Even as a little baby you loved to eat mashed vegies. I rarely resorted to tinned food but, instead, would cook and mash different vegetables for you. You loved it!!
Saturday 21 April 2012
"THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT"
I think the last thing you bought was what tipped you over the edge.
As far as we know, the last thing you bought was 'money' to put through the poker machines. You had just been paid that morning and, after paying money off your car loan, headed straight for the pokies venue during your lunch hour. You then proceeded to spend all but $25.00 of your pay on attempting to gain more money. You already knew this very rarely worked as you had expressed your concern about your gambling habits several times in the previous weeks and as recently as the night before you died.
You owed a measly $160.00 to other people, myself and a mate, and I know that this would have been preying on your mind, knowing that the money you were putting through the machines was not all yours.
You also knew both your mate and I well enough to know that we would easily forgive you if you were unable to pay us back that week! Our bonds of family and friendship were tighter than that!
I can only imagine the sense of despair you must have felt as you drove that final kilometre home to end your life.
It is my strong belief, and my profound understanding of the sort of person you were, that leads to the following conclusion:
You had already expressed a concern for your inability to deal with your gambling. Also, you were suffering from depression and taking medication to help deal with this. You had an IQ of over 150 and had never unwillingly 'failed' at anything in your life.
All three of these combined to make one dreadful cocktail of events in your mind on that particular day. You would have seen yourself as a failure after spending all your pay yet again! Your depression and inability to fail lead to a lack of resilience which meant you couldn't cope.
You had, however, just started opening up about your gambling and I firmly believe that, had you managed to get through that day, you may still be here with us as we could have dealt with it together.
But, it is not to be!
You had a wonderful life, Jake! Great mates, a great relationship with your family and your girlfriend and an absolutely amazing personality which made you very popular.
We miss you! xxx
As far as we know, the last thing you bought was 'money' to put through the poker machines. You had just been paid that morning and, after paying money off your car loan, headed straight for the pokies venue during your lunch hour. You then proceeded to spend all but $25.00 of your pay on attempting to gain more money. You already knew this very rarely worked as you had expressed your concern about your gambling habits several times in the previous weeks and as recently as the night before you died.
You owed a measly $160.00 to other people, myself and a mate, and I know that this would have been preying on your mind, knowing that the money you were putting through the machines was not all yours.
You also knew both your mate and I well enough to know that we would easily forgive you if you were unable to pay us back that week! Our bonds of family and friendship were tighter than that!
I can only imagine the sense of despair you must have felt as you drove that final kilometre home to end your life.
It is my strong belief, and my profound understanding of the sort of person you were, that leads to the following conclusion:
You had already expressed a concern for your inability to deal with your gambling. Also, you were suffering from depression and taking medication to help deal with this. You had an IQ of over 150 and had never unwillingly 'failed' at anything in your life.
All three of these combined to make one dreadful cocktail of events in your mind on that particular day. You would have seen yourself as a failure after spending all your pay yet again! Your depression and inability to fail lead to a lack of resilience which meant you couldn't cope.
You had, however, just started opening up about your gambling and I firmly believe that, had you managed to get through that day, you may still be here with us as we could have dealt with it together.
But, it is not to be!
You had a wonderful life, Jake! Great mates, a great relationship with your family and your girlfriend and an absolutely amazing personality which made you very popular.
We miss you! xxx
"BOTTLE"
Well, I was never a very good cow so you had to be 'topped-up' with a bottle almost every night as a baby. Then, when you were about four months old, I gave up and you were completely bottle-fed.
It didn't seem to hurt you...you continued to grow into a healthy, happy toddler.
Your love of the bottle returned years later, but mostly on Friday and Saturday nights!!
And, it didn't involve milk!!
It didn't seem to hurt you...you continued to grow into a healthy, happy toddler.
Your love of the bottle returned years later, but mostly on Friday and Saturday nights!!
And, it didn't involve milk!!
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